Running Out of Elements
by destinationXoblivion
Summary: In which Xemnas runs out of elements to give the Organization members.


Disclaimer: Hey? Guess what? I don't own KH. DUH.

Warnings: Yaoi (hinted at), OOC to the max

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Running Out of Elements

Xemnas was a strong man. Xemnas was a smart man. But Xemnas was NOT one to think ahead. He did, however, think of a wonderful idea: an organization, where every member had their own special element. So, the initiation began.

**Number One: Himself.** He gave himself light sabers. He's a big Star Wars fan. He also just jacked all the other elements for himself.

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**Number Two: Xigbar.**

XEMNAS: I do hereby bestow upon you the gift of gravity, young apprentice.

XIGBAR: Dude, I'm older than you. A LOT older.

XEMNAS: Be grateful, underling.

XIGBAR: Yeah, thanks. (walks off on the ceiling)

XEMNAS: I think our Xigbar will make great use of his element.

DEMYX: (from down the hallway) AAAAHHH!! Get out of my shower! Dance water dance!

XIGBAR: Dude, what was that for?!! Just wanted to say hi!

XEMNAS: Point proven.

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**Number Three: Xaldin**

XEMNAS: Well, you're a bright fellow. You can teach everybody else. And heck, as a bonus, you get wind. And spears.

XALDIN: Stab?  
XEMNAS: Yes, stab. And TEACH.

XALDIN: But mostly stab.

XEMNAS: But you can fly now, Xaldin! Isn't this superb?  
XALDIN: Nah, not really. Just the stabbing bit.

XEMNAS: Oh dear…do stick to the kitchens, Xaldin.

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**Number Four: Vexen**

XEMNAS: You're an all-around shell of a man. Icy composure, a certain…distant look about you. Clearly you're on drugs. In other news, I have "Ice, Ice Baby" stuck in my head. That shall be your new theme song, ice mage.

VEXEN: _Ice, Ice, __**BABY???**_ My theme song??? Ahem. Need to regain composure. Tell me, oh wondrous Superior, is the reason I am the ice elemental because you have a song in your head?

XEMNAS: Well, that is half of it. Actually, a rather large part of it. But you do _act_ like an ice elemental, Vexen. Your gratuity to your Superior would be refreshing.

VEXEN: Well, don't let me _cool _you off. I'll be on my way now.

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**Number Five: Lexaeus**

XEMNAS: You're a strong man, Lexaeus. Quite rooted, like the earth. What do you say?

LEXAEUS: Hmph.

XEMNAS: Yes, yes, I know earth isn't the _ideal_ element, but then again, you're not the _ideal_ member, now are you?

LEXAEUS: Hnnn hnnn hmph!!!

XEMNAS: Come now, don't be cross!

LEXAEUS: (smashes a rock on his head)

XEMNAS: You will be punished for that…after I…take a nap…

LEXAEUS: Hn.

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**Number Six: Zexion**

XEMNAS: Let's see…you don't really _look_ like a fire mage, now do you? And you don't look like a water mage, either. Earth, wind, and ice are taken…hmm…the powers of the mind, young bookworm, would most likely suit you.

ZEXION: May I continue reading?

XEMNAS: This is a major affair, Zexion! You are receiving your element!

ZEXION: Psyche doesn't really seem to be an element, now does it?

XEMNAS: No…not per se….but it is fun, now isn't it?

ZEXION: What is…_fun_?

XEMNAS: Leave. Now. OUT, SIX!!!

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**Number Seven: Saix**

XEMNAS: You're so…composed, Saix. I should like to see you lose that composure…

SAIX: Look at the moon….

XEMNAS: Ah, yes! The moon! It is quite lovely, isn't it? Like yourself. I know! You can be crazy! Like a werewolf, because of the moon! Good element, correct?

SAIX: Yes, but look at the moon…

XEMNAS: I just assigned you an element that isn't even an element at all. Come on, be angry with me!

SAIX: Come now, just look at the moon…

XEMNAS: Listen to me!

SAIX: If you interrupt my moon gazing once more, Superior, I'll – (snarling)

XEMNAS: Understood, VII. Continue.

SAIX: Beautiful moon…

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**Number Eight: Axel**

XEMNAS: VIII, what color is your hair?

AXEL: Bright freakin' red.

XEMNAS: And what _else_ is "bright freakin' red"?

AXEL: Ketchup?

XEMNAS: No…fire.

AXEL: SWEET!! Burn burn burn burn!!!

XEMNAS: Oh dear…

AXEL: Look what I got, Vexen!! FIRE!!! Oops…there went that lovely ice sculpture of yours…what a pity. It was a perfect replica of Zexion. But, then again, I suppose you have many replicas of him. Hey, hey, don't get mad! Don't get –OH MY GOD. COLD COLD COLD COLD! Jesus, man! Can't you take a joke??

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**Number Nine: Demyx**

XEMNAS: Is that a mullet or a Mohawk?

DEMYX: Um…neither?

XEMNAS: Or is it a clever combination of the two?

DEMYX: It's my hair. It doesn't have a name. Not mullet, not Mohawk. Demyx-hair.

XEMNAS: I know! We'll call it the Mohawullet!

DEMYX: And WHAT, pray tell, do you call YOUR hair? Huh?

XEMNAS: Well…it's obviously a…don't you think it looks like a…never mind. I've got nothing. At least my hair doesn't look in need of a good washing, young grease bag.

DEMYX: Yo! Don't diss the hair!

XEMNAS: Here, be the water element. Wash your hair. BE CLEAN.

DEMYX: Don't wanna. Thanks anyway, you old windbag.

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**Number Ten: Luxord**

XEMNAS: Well, now that I've exhausted pretty much every element…what shall I give you?

LUXORD: No clue, buddy.

XEMNAS: Let's dig in…Xemnas's bag of surprises! Oh! Magnificent! A deck of cards! (hands to Luxord)

LUXORD: You're joking…right?

XEMNAS: No, I assure you I'm quite serious. And as an added bonus, I'll throw in time control. Deal?

LUXORD: (stops Xemnas in mid-sentence) Deal.

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**Number Eleven: Marluxia**

MARLUXIA: Spring is pretty, don't you think?

XEMNAS: Disrespectful neophyte! I introduce the element giving session things!

MARLUXIA: Do you like pink? Pink is pretty!

XEMNAS: What are you, some kinda fruit?

MARLUXIA: I like fruits! Especially strawberries!

XEMNAS: Yep. Definitely a fruit. (backs away) So, Fruity, what do you think your element should be?

MARLUXIA: Ooh…pretty flowers, Mr. Xemnas!

XEMNAS: Take them. Take them all! Heck, CONTROL flowers! Just get out of here!

MARLUXIA: Why, Mr. Xemnas sir?

XEMNAS: You're freakin' annoying, that's why! OUT!

MARLUXIA: You're just jealous because I'm prettier than you are!

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**Number Twelve: Larxene**

XEMNAS: I didn't know we had a girl in the Organization. It was supposed to be the "Orgy-nization"! Of MEN!

LARXENE: Tell me that again, old man, and I rip your head off.

XEMNAS: Oh dear…don't tell me you're on the rag?

LARXENE: WHAT?!! NO, YOU POMPOUS IDIOT! I am NOT "on the rag"!!

XEMNAS: Then what is the matter with you, for God's sake?

LARXENE: Life. And everything.

XEMNAS: Your personality is…shocking. Quite unbecoming for such a pretty lady. Electricity will suit you fine.

LARXENE: Quite treating me like some Pokemon, old man…

AXEL: Larxene, I choose you!

LARXENE: GET BACK HERE, SPIKY!!

XEMNAS: Someone call the paramedics…oh dear. Is that supposed to come out of your ears?

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**Number Thirteen: Roxas**

XEMNAS: Look at those light blue eyes, and that light blonde hair, and that wonderful LIGHT skin!

ROXAS: What of it?

XEMNAS: Well, I'm out of stuff to give you. Maybe, if I give you the power of the light, you'll somehow deliver us from the darkness. You know, like Moses. In the Bible. Come on. BE MOSES!!

ROXAS: Who the heck is Moses?

XEMNAS: He is YOU.

ROXAS: Wait a second…I thought you said SORA was me!

XEMNAS: Sora, Moses, both have "s" in them…

ROXAS: Whatever. See ya.

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Confucius say leave review.


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